I’m dreaming of a pop culture relic-filled Christmas

I knew I wasn’t the only ‘90s kid in America who begged for a Talkboy like Kevin McCallister after watching Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. I recently looked at a list of the best-selling Christmas presents of all time and was left feeling more than a little nostalgic when I saw the Talkboy had made the grade. I adored my Talkboy, and I even remember attempting to trick a pizza delivery man after watching Kevin do it, although my prank just came across as ill-conceived and uncool when I did it.

But that’s all beside the point. The real purpose of this blog is I’ve been thinking of other items I’ve seen in TV and film that I wish I could acquire but probably never will be able to because somehow the marketing gurus have missed the boat. You might say I’m dreaming of a pop culture relic-filled Christmas just like the ones I used to know.

The most coveted item on my fantasy wish list is a Blues Brothers pinball machine as seen on the bizarre John Belushi biopic Wired. If such a thing really existed (even custom-made), shut up and take my money already. Seriously, I’d be on a mission from God to acquire that for my pop culture collection at all costs.

One of the most plausible items on my list is a copy of Phil Dunphy’s book he made for his daughter Haley on Modern Family. “Phil’s-osophy” was a genius concept from the get-go and I can’t believe nobody has published this tome of wisdom yet. When he quoted aloud from it, it sounded like it’d be chock-full of philosophical gems as seen only through Phil’s adorkable eyes. Do you recall these beauties?
“If you love something, set it free. Unless it’s a tiger.”
“You can tell a lot about a person from his biography.”
“You only get one chance at a first impression. I suggest Julia Child because it’s easy to do.”
“Dance until your feet hurt. Sing until your lungs hurt. Act until you’re William Hurt.”

I know there’d be lots more fun one-liners if such a book were ever published. I’d be first in line to buy said book. What about you?

Next on my fantasy Christmas list would be a shoe-shaped Smartphone so I could pretend to be my favorite secret agent of all time: Maxwell Smart from Get Smart. Would you believe Max was one of my first childhood crushes? I know somebody out there made shoe phones during the heyday of the show, but why can’t they do an update now? I think there’s still a large enough fan base to appreciate something of this caliber.

Of course I’ve been complaining pretty loudly for years now that I want a fully functional but not uber-expensive Hoverboard from Back to the Future in my hands by 2015. Mattel really needs to get on the ball with that one, don’t you think? Maybe if we all band together and lobby hard enough, we can make it happen in time for the holidays 2015. And while the hardworking scientists are at it, maybe they can make time travel itself or teleportation devices as seen on Star Trek finally possible.

Because I’ve been rather unlucky in love this year, one of the most practical items on my fantasy list would probably be the love potion from the Harry Potter series. Imagine if you could give that to the object of your affection and have them fall madly in love with you? My holidays would certainly be a lot cozier. For that matter, maybe I can just have the perfect guy for me fall into my lap in the form of a fun-loving mannequin that has just been brought to life (as seen in the ‘80s favorite Mannequin).

Let’s see, I’m still waiting for lickable wallpaper as seen on Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. If the ‘80s brought us scratch-‘n’-sniff stickers, surely this technology must exist somewhere by now. I realize it’s trivial, but it’d be fun, wouldn’t it?

Other honorable mentions on my fantasy list would include:
• The Flint Lockwood Diatonic Super Mutating Dynamic Food Replicator from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
• A Drive Shaft CD (Charlie Pace’s band from Lost)
• Ron Swanson’s furniture (Parks & Rec … you know it’d be built to last)
• The Orion necklace from The Neverending Story (I did see one once but I think they’re hard to find)
• Rainbow Brite’s magical belt
• Lunch-Pail Tree from Return to Oz

Santa, I’d like to think I’ve been a good girl this year. Could you find it in your heart to make at least one fantasy Christmas wish list item become a reality? I did see one thing released recently that made me smile: an Arrested Development soundtrack. That’s one item we don’t have to keep fantasizing about. What would you add to your fantasy list?