Dancing With the Stars season 18 premiered this week and even with the many changes to the show, things went rather smoothly. Following up on our review of the new celebrities participating this year, Chuck and I are back with our thoughts on the changes and who did best … and worst.

KIM: I thought the new band did well – they appeared to bring a younger energy to the set. Perhaps that’s why the producers felt a switch-up was necessary? I am so happy they brought the judges’ location back to its rightful place. I also love the Skybox – I was majorly bummed when they took it away last season. However, is it just me or was the rest of the set really lackluster? What happened to the big fancy, multicolored staircases and the really over-the-top costumes? I watch this show for the glitz and the glamour, and it felt like they were holding back on me last night. The entire show had a subdued feeling.

CHUCK: Yes, the new band did well and sometimes I couldn’t even tell when they were using recorded music, like with Ellie Goulding’s “Burn.” It sounded like the original, but then there were more voices singing with the chorus, so I thought they did a good job (and I love that song). The dancers have more floor space now with the orchestra pit mostly covered over, the video screen has been expanded down, and the staircases are still there. The stars haven’t made their entrance down the center though for a season or two. But there are two staircases at the opposite end of the ballroom as well. With the amazing lighting design that they employ on the dance floor, I thought the show was flashy as ever. They’ll build up to flashier costumes as the season progresses.

KIM: Erin seemed to hold her own as co-host, asking pertinent questions and managing to not sound like a complete airhead. I think she only placed so much emphasis on her former partner and time on the show because it was big news that Maks was back after such a long hiatus. Only time will tell though.

CHUCK: Yes, I did like Erin’s authority, and you can tell she’s a pro at what she does. She did get into asking just a bit too many personal questions which occasionally brought things to a grinding halt, and I wonder sometimes if she has producers whispering in her ear to say certain things. I do get your point about her references to her past and Maks’ return, but I hope she drops that soon because I got so sick of Brooke doing that. So what did you think of the dancing?

Nene & Tony; Cha-cha-cha — Score: 21
KIM: Nene Leakes was up first. I may still have no idea who she is, but I have to say NeNe won me over slightly with her personality. She was hilarious and not a bad dancer!
CHUCK: I love her spirit and attitude, and she did a pretty good job on her first dance, with good rhythm and musicality. And she sure was brave starting out the first dance of the seasons center stage by herself. Len said it was a great start.

James & Peta; Foxtrot — Score: 21
KIM: James was good-looking, but that only gets you so far in this competition. His performance didn’t wow me. In fact, it was very forgettable, as I’m sitting here and not recalling a single thing about it.
CHUCK: I thought James did a good job, even with the apparent awkwardness between him and Peta. He did seem a little stiff at times, though, and some footwork was a bit sloppy.

“James, you and I, we know why we’re here. We’re here for a bit of eye candy for the ladies.” — Len Goodman

Danica & Val; Foxtrot — Score: 24
KIM: Danica was as cute as ever. Has she aged at all since The Wonder Years? I love Val and I really would love to see him win a Mirror Ball Trophy. Maybe this will be his season, as he and Danica looked really comfortable together and made dancing well appear effortless.
CHUCK: Danica was adorable, and her enthusiasm for the show really came through in her performance. She wants to be there! I loved her excitement when meeting Val for the first time, they had a terrific first dance and she had great footwork and frame. She is definitely one to beat! It was also funny that she didn’t understand Erin’s question about how she felt and Val had to explain it to her.

“When Val starts translating for people, it’s got to be one of the signs of the Apocalypse.” — Tom Bergeron

Sean & Karina; Contemporary — Score: 20
CHUCK: I’m not a big fan of Contemporary dances on this show. They amount to a bunch of running, jumping, spinning and lifting. There are no real technical dance steps. I guess he did okay. Carrie Anne was fascinated by him. It’s going to take a while to warm up to him. He just seems so cold and aloof, but maybe it’s just that very dry, sarcastic humor they mentioned in the video package.
KIM: So, Sean is a hockey player? That is interesting. I thought he did pretty well, but I agree with you Chuck when you say it will take a while to warm up to him – there’s just something about him that seems rather cold and calculating even off the ice. Did he ever smile?
CHUCK: Yes, Carrie Anne made him smile during her critique. Tom made a big deal of it!

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A few years ago I started watching and (much to the chagrin of some of my fellow colleagues) reviewing Skating With The Stars. And, despite the expected “Is this what reality television has come to?” comments, I had a blast and a half watching it. It was one part circus, one part mayhem, one part comedy, three parts dippy judges with the final part a fumbling host, the fantastical Vernon Kay. (Not so coincidentally, Vern hosted a UK version of the show earlier this year on ITV in the U.K. I’m a bit heartbroken he’s not talking up the domestic version. But my worries are for naught — I have the “I-didn’t-even-know-he-was-still-around” Joey Lawrence to entertain me.)

Now, granted … a lot of reality series have come and gone since SWTS. Many (thankfully) were short lived. And truth be told I think Splash is destined to become one of them.

But for what it was worth, I decided to tune in and catch the soaking it made on the small screen … before it becomes a distant memory.

The players in the game? Los Angeles Laker great Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (!), Emmy-winning comedian and Life With Louie creator Louie Anderson (!), Nickelodeon’s Drake & Josh star Drake Bell, Chelsea Lately talk show sidekick Chuy Bravo (!), extreme skier Rory Bushfield, Baywatch star Nicole Eggert, an all-grown-up Rudy Huxtable from The Cosby Show, Keshia Knight Pulliam, Detroit Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh, 2012’s Miss Alabama, Katherine Webb, and Kendra On Top star Kendra Wilkinson.

Do I know half these people? No, I do not. But before you go mouthing off about some of the “C” list celebrities on the roster, hear me out: Who gives a rat’s ass? Some will prove to be part of the overall fun of the show. And come on! Kareem! Louie! Chuy! Ode to joy!

There’s no doubt this is nothing more than throw away frolickry for a Tuesday night. And that was proven rather quickly with the first five folks who stepped onto the diving platforms: Keshia, Louis, Katherine, Rory and Kareem. (The remaining five will let gravity have its way with them next episode. Stay tuned.)

A few things that kept me grounded while this premiere glowed out my television set: Could two more seemingly awkward celebrities than Louie and Kareem be cast on a show like this? Probably. But off the top of my head, I can’t think of any. And besides, I’m here to watch those who are taking the plunge for my dining and dancing pleasure … not to speculate on the coulda/shoulda/woulda aspect of who would have been a better fit.

Come on: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Louie Anderson are spectacle enough, don’t you think? To ponder anyone else would be doing them a grave disservice. As far as I’m concerned, at Louie’s weight (417 pounds) and Kareem’s age (65) both dudes have cojones to sport diving gear and get wet. So right now? I’m tipping my hat to the both them … spectacle or otherwise.

And you know what? Both men took to their dives with heart and humility and as much grace as they could muster under the given circumstances. It may have been comical, it may have looked painful, some may have rolled their eyes while watching them, but the fact of the matter is we were simply viewing while they were actively committing. And that’s really saying something in my book.

The dives of Keshia, Katherine and Rory? Expectedly flat and colorless for the most part except for Rory’s. The dude’s got hyperactive snow skiing skills so you figured he’d showboat … and he did. To pretty good effect, too, going into his initial dive. Top score of the evening, matter of fact. (Though let’s be fair: The scoring on the show is subject to wide interpretation and even greater whim.)

In the end, it was Keshia who got the short end of the stick and got voted off on the first night, despite performing a better and more technical dive than Louie who is quite obviously the sympathetic favorite. And that only goes to prove the show is for spectacle and entertainment value, such that it is.

But you know what? Quite frankly I’m sick of and fed up with all the Steubenville / Obama as Satan / Lindsey Lohan / Samsung Galaxy S4 / Pope Francis / healthy pizza recipe stories of late making their way into my inbox and onto my internet feeds. Aren’t you? I mean, a guy can only take so much.

Instead, I prefer to be entertained. “Live and let dive” Splash’s bi-line claims … and I’m good with that.

Side Note: Can someone in props please pilfer a suit that actually fits Joey prior to the next broadcast? One he doesn’t look like he’s about ready to “Hulk out” in? Thank you.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=BixYqreyaq8

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The, ahem, stars are back in the beautiful ABC ballroom for a sixteenth season of Dancing with the Stars, so for its season premiere my good pal Tara and I sat down and asked each other “who could win?” and “just exactly who are these people?” Our original plan was to pick a couple of people we thought could be our favorites, but when we both came up with the same two stars … because they were basically the only ones we knew … we decided to just go ahead and critique everyone’s performances and pick a contender or two after seeing them dance.

So after careful consideration and wearing out the DVR rewind button, we gathered our thoughts and had our post-show conversation. It went a little something like this …

Chuck: So, Tara, what did you think of this season’s crop of stars and their dancing abilities … or lack thereof?
Tara: Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough –Derek says she has potential for greatness. He oughta know. I watched her on American Idol the season she competed in, and she came out with some pretty funny lines. For the first week, I thought she was impressive. Although I like her with long hair better. The judges were rather tough with giving her all sevens, but at the beginning they usually give lower scores.
Chuck: I agree with you … about her hair. But her goofiness during rehearsals and pretty decent performance have won me over. I thought she was terrific, especially being first up and her experience being on another competition reality show should give her a bit of an advantage.
Tara: Good point about competition show experience!

Chuck: Victor Ortiz — Did not dance like a butterfly … scratch that, he danced like a huge butterfly the way he flapped those arms around. Much better and more controlled in hold though. I’m surprised the lift police, aka Carrie Ann, didn’t call them out for Lindsay’s foot coming off the floor. I did like Bruno’s comment referring to his big arm gestures: “It’s not Gorillas in the Mist.”
Tara: I’m mean ’cause I thought Bruno’s comment was really funny. I know. I’m mean.

Chuck: Ingo Rademacher and Kym Johnson got stuck with the first Contemporary dance of the evening. I was surprised they’d give them a dance with all those lifts on the first night, but he did a good job. Unfortunately, this is supposed to be a ballroom dancing competition, not So You Think You Can Dance! What are they going to do next week … Crunk?
Tara: Victor the Boxer and Ingo the Soap guy were just okay for me. I’m trying to come up with witty banter, but there ain’t much to say. They both will likely be tossed off in the middle somewhere.

Chuck: Lisa Vanderpump and Gleb Savchenko … are two of the hardest names to punch out here on the keyboard. Does she have a butt implant, because it looked weird and Lisa in a leotard is one of those things you just can’t un-see. Len thought there was too much staggering, so maybe she’d had a few cocktails. She’s definitely not a cougar though, because her chemistry with Gleb is non-existent. They’re pretty uncomfortable to watch.
Tara: Lisa from the Real Housewives and her dog just annoy me. People shouldn’t dress up their dogs as humans. It’s humiliating. That dog appears to have more outfits than I do, for Pete’s Sake.

Chuck: D.L. Hughley and Cheryl Burke — who did Cheryl piss off to get stuck with him? I’m having flashbacks to Master P. If he’s not the first to go, I will be shocked. And he calls himself Boogie Fantastic?!
Tara: He seems like a jovial sort, but I’ve watched this show long enough to know that Cheryl is completely pissed she got stuck with him. A bad partner equals an early sendoff and a lesser paycheck. I expect them to be gone first and watch her try to turn her sneer into a smile and take it gracefully. Now that I’ve called it to your attention? You’ll see how hard it will be for her to hide her disgust.
Chuck: I think that picture above is an accurate representation of D.L. killing Cheryl’s chances of winning another trophy.

Tara: Little Miss Disney Chick? Considering she’s a singer and hip hop dancer, I suspected she’d be good. Didn’t you? And is it even fair to allow someone that young who is already experienced in dance in the same competition as D.L.? She’s a contendah. For sure.
Chuck: This could get real awkward with her age. Did you see Val immediately pull back when she said she was 16? And who at 16 has the right to go only by their first name? I think Cher and Madonna would have a thing or two to say about that. But the dance suited her age, definitely. It will be interesting to see how she does with some of the more “mature” dances (which could be icky and illegal in some states).

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As I sat down to watch my three DVRed episodes of The X Factor yesterday, I noticed that there was no host for these past few episodes. I’d known Steve Jones was removed, and I like that decision because I though he was pretty robotic. I’ve heard rumors floating around about new hosts (Kardashian? ugh) as well as Mario Lopez (who I quite liked when he hosted America’s Best Dance Crew – although he’ll always be Slater to me).

But I actually liked the “no host approach” to these auditions. It felt a little more like a narrative without the annoying voiceover repeating things that have already been said, and there is less wasted time with the host onstage — meaningless banter, unnecessary announcements, repetitive interviews with contestants, and grating personalities.

However, what I found a little creepy was that the portions of the show happening in between the singing had that Real Housewives/The Hills/”scripted reality” show feel. The contestants talking smack about one another was dumb. Yet, I found the judges’ conversations in the dressing room/makeup room kind of endearing.

I guess when the host(s) return, I’ll be able to better see what I prefer. But I put this question out to my fellow Clackers: do you prefer The X Factor, or any talent competition really, with or without a host? Is a host actually needed when there are now tons of judges, all with unique (and sometimes clashing) personalities of their own? Here’s what they had to say.

Jeremy: I have found these episodes far more watchable than the first season — but the backstage stuff is really hit or miss. Sometimes it’s about the obvious villain setup which can be a bit tiresome, but the dynamic of the judges is a lot more interesting than with Nicole the Black Hole of Charisma.

Carla: I only watched the first episode last year and then a few minutes here and there. I’ve watch all of this season so far and I love the judges.

When the show moves to the live format it will have 2 hosts. Khloe Kardashian and Mario Lopez are the favorites, but Khloe’s running into contract problems with E! The other potential host is Corbin Bleu.

Me: Yeah, I actually really like Britney and Demi – more than I thought I would.

Tara: I covered this show last year. Here and there, I’ve caught moments, but I sat and watched it tonight.

Anyway, I guess I’m in the minority here, because Britney and Demi leave me cold. I guess anything is preferable to Nicole, as Jeremy pointed out. But Britney looks half dead even with twelve tons of makeup on, and I wonder why I should give a rat’s ass what Demi Whoever says.

The “Camina Burana” music in the background causing needless drama, and the canned and edited responses of the audience give it an even more false feel for something that was taped live. (The girls in the audience crying when they see Britney is just over the top.)

The absence of Steve Jones is welcome, I agree.

And even though I’ll love Simon forever, he seems like he’s trying to talk me into believing they’re finding the next “star” here. There’s no driving force here. Nothing to keep it moving and exciting. That’s why a host is desperately needed. Say what you will or won’t about Crusty, but he can keep you interested. Lord help us all if it’s a Kardashian. I’m not understanding host or judge picks for most of these singing shows lately.

I’m liking The Voice a lot better than this show. The blind auditions are fun.

Me: Tara, I feel exactly the same way about the music! That’s one of the main reasons I stopped watching The Biggest Loser.

Michael: Between The Voice and The X Factor, there sure is a lot of monkey business going on.

Hosts sometimes make the grandest of impressions … usually unintentionally.

• Ryan Seacrest of American Idol attempting to high-five a legally blind Scott MacIntyre.
• Steve Jones on last season’s The X Factor announcing the ousted one evening: “… in no particular random order …”
• Vernon Kay on Skating With The Stars (there are so many):

1. “Welcome to Skating With The ***** … !!!” Vernon exuded while spreading his hands out wide as could be and effectively losing his voice in the process for lack of a mike at the last word.
2. “If you like watching stars fall over — and who doesn’t? — you’ve come to the right place!” Vern gushed at the start of the show.
3. “Still standing — so far, so good!” Vern noted part way through!
4. “Tune in next week for Round Two!” Vern cried as he held up all five fingers of his left hand

Shows need hosts. Please.

When Kardashian comes on, I don’t expect anything from her. I’m reserving judgment. I have no point of reference when it comes to those folks.

P.S. The Voice is killing me right now, what little I’ve seen of it. Christina‘s chest is falling out all over the place, Cee Lo is pointless, Adam is annoying as all get out, Blake is verging on ridiculous. I’m with Tara — thus far, Britney and Demi are lethargic and verging on Ellen Degeneres on Idol.

What do you think, viewers? Is The X Factor better off without a host, or would something crucial be missing?

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