Quotation Marks – Week of October 18, 2008

“And they call me white trash.” – Edie, upon witnessing Gaby and Susan pulling hair and throwing punches during a fight on the lawn, Desperate Housewives

“We are three hours away from horny Women’s Study majors wanting to work out all their anger towards men … in their bunk beds.” – Chuck to Nate, on visiting Yale for the weekend, Gossip Girl

“Where are the valets? So much for cheap labor.” – Pete, Mad Men

“You are not losing $300, you are learning a valuable lesson.” – Andrew to Gaby who is mad that he sold her a crappy car, Desperate Housewives

“How does that get us ahead in anything?” – Starr, on being accused of pushing rival team member Christy’s sports bra off of a ledge, The Amazing Race

“Your daddy is about to turn you into a killing machine.” – Susan to 5-year-old MJ, who’s being bullied by 5-year-old Juanita, Desperate Housewives

Dexter:
Dexter (V.O., in yoga class): “This is absolutely without a doubt the worst moment of my life.”
Yoga Instructor: “And now, let’s move into some free-form yoga. Just let yourself dance.”
Dexter (V.O.): “I was wrong. This is.”
Yoga Instructor: “See the dust dancing against the sunlight. Be as beautiful as the golden flakes of dust, Dexter.”
Dexter (V.O.): “I could probably kill her before anyone realized what happened.”

How I Met Your Mother:
Ted (regarding an intervention letter): “Come on Lily, let’s read yours.”
Lily: “‘Gilbert’s reading skills have improved drastically since…’ This is a letter I meant to send home with one of my kindergarteners. Uh oh.”
Cut to Gilbert’s bedroom) Gilbert’s Mom: “Gilbert, are things moving too fast between you and a girl named ‘Stella?'”
Gilbert: “I wish.”

“And I am not insane! My mother had me tested’ – Sheldon, The Big Bang Theory

“Frank, make sure she uses condoms.” – Regina to Frank the doorman when she drops off Samantha, who’s finally moving back into her apartment, Samantha Who?

“I’m not brain damaged. I have a spatula.” – Sam trying to convince Paula that she’s fine, Samantha Who?

“What a dick!” Henry Spivey, on his super-spy persona Edward Albright, My Own Worst Enemy

“Gibbs has a father!” – Ziva and McGee, on trying to explain where Gibbs came from (appeared out of thin air, Cabbage Patch Kids, stork, etc.), NCIS

“Two big wildfires are burning in California. Emergency teams are trying to contain the fire. They are trying to drive them to homes that have already been foreclosed on. – Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Kimmel Live

“Susan Lucci is a filthy beast.” – Political ad, paid for by Cloris Leachman, Dancing With the Stars

“You look so boyish, I thought you were Rachel Maddow.” – Martin Short to David Letterman, Late Show With David Letterman

“Oh, come on. You just like her because she’s the same color as pancakes.” – Joy to her son, on his crush on Catalina, My Name is Earl

“I want my golden shower.” – Michael, commenting on his employees giving Jan a baby shower, The Office

“You were lurching at people and walking around like you should have been wearing a hospital gown” – Seth Myers on John McCain’s town hall debate performance, Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Thursday

“Police! Don’t move! You are surrounded by armed bastards!” – Lt. Gene Hunt, Life on Mars

“Brother, I have been rehymenated, and the Dude will not abide. – Dean, Supernatural

“Clark Kent, will you marry me?” – Lois Lane, Smallville

“The only time he doesn’t have to pee is when he’s peeing.” – Martin Short, on John McCain, Late Show with David Letterman

Clacked by Jane Boursaw
on Oct 18, 2008 @ 18:00 EST5EDT