(Week of Dec. 13, 2008)
“I may be a ho, but I’m not a crack ho.” – Cops
“Falalalala-lala-ka-ching.” – Dwight, on his his plan to buy all the unicorn dolls from local stores and sell them to desperate parents at a huge profit, The Office
Desperate Housewives:
“You are my rock Lynette.” – Tom
“Tom, your rock is trying to get fingerprints off a weapon, do you mind?” – Lynette
“Two of my friends involved in a nasty catfight? I live for that stuff!” – Edie
“I mean, come on, I’m a blind man who loves cocaine who was suddenly appointed Governor of New York. My life is an actual plot from a Richard Pryor movie.” – Fred Armisen as Gov. David Paterson, Saturday Night Live
“It looks like you’re wearing a toupe that’s also wearing a toupe” – Amy Poehler on Gov. Rod Blagojevich, Saturday Night Live
“It’s like you have a pro-ceding hair line” – Seth Myers on Gov. Rod Blagojevich, Saturday Night Live
“I’m off to have a real Christmas: fly to Rio, tan in the nude, bet on some monkey wrestling.” – Jack, 30 Rock
“Those are going to be the happiest poor kids since my brother and I went to Neverland Ranch.” – Kenneth, 30 Rock
“We had a falling out over the Jerry Garcia stamp. I mean, if I wanted to lick a hippy, I would just return Joan Baez’s phone calls.” – Jack, on his relationship with the Postmaster General, 30 Rock
How I Met Your Mother:
“You know what I was doing while you guys were out there being immature? I’ll tell you what I was doing.” – Marshall
“Your nails?” – Barney
“No, I was doing …” – Marshall
“The relationship quiz in this month’s Cosmo?” – Ted
“No, I was doing …” – Marshall
“Your best not to cry when Big came back for Carrie at the end of the Sex and the City movie?” – Barney
“No — and spoilers much! — no … I’ll tell you what I was doing …” – Marshall
“The captain of the football team because he gave you his promise ring because you look so pretty in your open-back homecoming dress?” – Robin
Leverage:
“You ID’ed the guy off his knife fighting style?” – Hardison
“Very distinctive style.” – Eliot
“What I did before, nobody got hurt.” – Hardison, referring to his earlier ID of a gun based on the sound of the shots
“I stole paintings for a living.” – Sophie
“I never hurt anybody.” – Parker
“I actually hurt people, so …” – Eliot
“The real piece de la resistance? DirecTV HD total sports package. NFL, NBA, and yeah, I threw in a little bit of hockey ’cause I know you people like that.” – Hardison
“Hockey …” – Eliot (the violent one)
“OK, I see what this is. This is racial. This is about my ethniticity, isn’t it? It’s because I’m Jewish.” – Hardison (yes, he said “ethniticity”)
On Parker needing to get syllables from Charles to break into his voice-activated safe:
“Now all I need is -ef, -uh, and -cuh.” – Parker
“It’s shrimp you stupid fu –!” – Charles, the Castleman guy
“Oh! There they are. Really loud, too.” – Parker
House, M.D.:
“Aren’t there other ways I could get pregnant? Like sitting on a toilet seat?” – Female patient
“Absolutely. There would need to be a guy sitting between you and the toilet seat, but yes. Absolutely.” – House
“Welcome to The Late Show. Still at 11:35!” – David Letterman
“On the Upper East Side, the dead can speak.” – Gossip Girl, about Bart’s secrets probably not being buried with him, Gossip Girl
“Only a masochist could love such a narcissist.” – Blair, about her and Chuck, Gossip Girl
“Is it a boy or a girl?” – Rufus to Lily, on the secret she doesn’t want revealed, Gossip Girl
Clacked by Jane Boursaw 
on Dec 14, 2008 @ 16:15 EST5EDT
