Watching Burn Notice reminds me of grade school science class. Remember when you made the working volcano that spewed real lava (corn syrup)? Or the time you fashioned a potato into a light bulb? I don’t know about you guys, but I felt like a little Einstein. A few years later I would discover girls and my love of science shifted to a love of breasts. Big, firm, bouncing breasts. My love affair with breasts continues to this day.
Where was I? Oh yeah… the latest installment of Burn Notice. For me, it was a ho-hum episode. There were some funny scenes involving Sam’s audit and Fiona looked incredible in her tight designer jeans, but other than that, I was only mildly interested. However, as with every Burn chapter, I was privy to a host of spy tricks of the trade, which more than made up for the lackluster storyline.
Here’s what I learned during last night’s episode of Burn Notice (not all of it is spy related):
- Sam deducts his mojitos. As many as he drinks, I’m hardly surprised.
- Flirtation is always considered a viable tactical option. Hmm. I just use it to get laid.
- Mikey bought a used car for $300 to shake a police tail. I did that once, except I spent $375, and it broke down twenty minutes after I rolled it off the lot. Lesson: Never buy a Peugeot for less than $500.
- Prison tats are like a resume for criminals. Does that mean they can use the tattoo artist as a reference?
- Sam had a headache in his eye. Ever have one of those? No amount of Advil can dull the pain.
- A locked cash register drawer can be foiled by smacking it in, rather than pulling it out. Good tip for the next time I rob a hardware store.
- A dry cleaning rack can bust a padlock. Never would have thought of that one. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever stepped foot inside a dry cleaners.
- There’s no substitute for a fresh shiner on your face. Good to know, but do I have to ram a steel door into my mug? How about applying some of my girl’s makeup instead?
- Since I’m a huge Philadelphia Eagles fan, I have to mention the Stacy Andrews reference among the list of manly men with the name Stacy. He plays right guard, not that anyone gives a shit.
- A pack of cigarettes is a perfect place to conceal a bug. Does that mean I should take up smoking? Everything I read says it’s bad for me.
- Super glue and canned air do wonders to seal steel doors. I usually inhale my super glue and cans of air. It’s cheaper than buying pot and the high is just as good.
- Sam makes one helluva Fuzzy Navel. That’s a drink? I thought it was something I saw in a porno.
- People can change. Michael Westen is not one of those people, or so he believes. I’m with Fiona. I think Mike can change. I’d say he’s changed quite a bit since season one. He’s softened. Soft spies don’t live long. Mike’s gotta realize that, right?
There you have it. Very similar to my fifth grade science class. Although, I could have used more breasts. Class dismissed.
Photo Credit: USA Network
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