Dancing with the Stars – What’s not to like?

Ahh, Dancing With the Stars! As host Tom Bergeron tells us,  it’s hot, hot, hot! It’s sexy, sexy, sexy! And this week, it was the Cha Cha challenge!

“Settle yourself down, Tara.  Come down off your cloud filled with sequins and feathers. Put on some of my tunes, and tell the people what they need to know. ”  Wait.  Is that you, Mr. Frank Sinatra?  He talks to me in my head sometimes.  Always with good advice too, except for the time he told me to bump off  my landlord.  But, I digress!

Someone recently asked me why I thought DWTS is so popular.  He’s a good friend of mine, from Texas, who loves meat, and can’t for the life of him understand my fascination with celebrities. This was a no-brainer for me, and while his eyes glazed over,  I explained. I’ll say to you what I said to him.

First of all, what’s not to like?  There’s music, cheesy costumes, and a snarky judge.  Even the husband can abide it,  as the girl dancers routinely wear as little as possible.  The viewers get a say in the outcome, through their votes.  (As Tom and co-host Brooke Burke will only remind you of 5 bazillion times per show.)  And dare I say it?  DWTS is good clean escapism. Families can watch it together.  If you’ve had a crap day, you can forget about it for awhile.  It wasn’t the most watched program on television last week for nothin’!

Of course, the best part is the celebrities themselves.  Some are so unbelievably bad,  I have to watch through my fingers, as they stomp and wriggle.  It’s painful.  I love it! The worse the better!  That’s why I’m praying Pamela Anderson and “her girls” stick around for a few more weeks.  I’m dying to see her boobage have some sort incident. It’s gonna happen, I know it!

Pamela, Pamela.  She’s dumb as a box of hair.  With extensions.

Sadly, Pam is so atrocious, she’ s most likely Ba-Bye in tonight’s elimination.  Darnit!  Listen for the sound of 15 million men sighing around that time.  I hope all that air getting collectively being sucked in and out so rapidly won’t cause some sort of  ecological disaster.  The judges gave her and partner Damian Whitewood a 24 for their individual performance. Bruno and Len made a couple boob jokes, and female judge Carrie Ann Enanba had to remind them to “focus.”  Awesome!

Also in a whole mess of trouble is comic Niecy Nash.  Now Neicy is rather um . . . big boned. We all know that anyone who is not in tip-top shape ever wins this show. You just gotta cheer her on and admire her tenacity, though.  The quick step she performed would’ve made me throw up and then die.  The judges gave her 25 points.

I’m running out of time here,  as I have to go have a fudgsicle.  So allow me to kind of wrap up the other four contestants in a little bow for you.  In no particular order, as my buddy Tom would say.

Olympic skater Evan Lysacek :  The judges loved him. But then again, Carrie Ann loves everybody.  She’s the Paula Abdul of  DWTS.  (Len is obviously Simon, and Bruno is Ellen Degeneres.)  Evan did the tango.  I thought he was a bit “stompy,” but what do I know? He got a perfect score of 30.   Look I said I don’t know anything!  Geesh.  He’s safe.

Chad Ochocino is a former NFL player.  Being in fantastic shape, jocks always do well on DWTS. He did a respectable Viennese waltz.  He made me a tad sleepy, but his partner Cheryl‘s dress was pretty.  The husband came out from behind his book to watch this one.  He digs Cheryl.

Sports broad Erin Andrews:  has reportedly had death threats from a deranged fan while doing the show.  She had to have bodyguards and all.  Not funny.  But she just keeps sailing through this.  Her partner is the evil and scary Maks Chmerkov-a something.  He’d scare the poop out of me, so I’m just giving the gal points for that.  She did an amazing quick step, and got a score of 27.

Finally, I arrive at pop princess Nicole Scherzinger.  I’ve never heard of her, but pop stars shouldn’t be allowed on this show.  They have too much dance experience.  Unfair.  Having said that, this chick’s gonna win.

But how — how — can I end this by not commenting on the Cha Cha challenge?  Two teams of three, Team Gaga (Pam, Chad, and Nicole) and Team Madonna (Evan, Erin, and Neicy).  The Madonna’s got their butts handed to them.  And their costumes were A-trocious.  Team Gaga got 27 extra points added to their score, to the other team’s 24.  Note to Pammie: You needed that bad, sister.

So, now you know.  It’s a fun show.  I like it.  But then again, I enjoy flossing too.

Now, to the fudgsicles!

Clacked by Tara Shrodes
on May 04, 2010 @ 15:00 EST5EDT