The Polarizing Express
“Gus, don’t be the way Eriq La Salle spells ‘Eric’.” – Shawn
“I’m placing you on suspension … indefinitely.” – Chief Vick
“Indefinitely? Well make up your mind, Chief. Am I suspended or not?” – Shawn
“Oh my god. My dad turned into Nick Nolte.” – Shawn
“Who is this?” – Tony
“Us. As a kid.” – Young Shawn
“Doesn’t look like Us as a kid.” – Tony
“Well we changed. Sometimes week to week, huh?” – Young Shawn
“It’s true.” – Shawn
“Gus, the lightbulb came on. I’ve had a catheter.” – Shawn
“Catharsis?” – Gus
“Wait a second. Do you smell that?” – Gus
“A ate a bran muffin. I needed something quick.” – Shawn
“We are gonna use impulse control, which is the practice of controlling one’s impulses. For instance, I look down and see that roach there and I tell myself, ‘I can’t eat that’.” – Shawn
“Do I need to slap you in the face?” – Gus
“Hey, is it area codes or state capitals that you’re all Rain Man-y with?” – Shawn
“I’m Rain Man with area codes. State capitals I’m more like John Nash.” – Gus
“The dude from Clean House?” – Shawn
“That’s Niecy Nash, Shawn, and she’s a fine full-bodied woman. What.” – Gus
“I was way, way off on the whole bomb thing. It turns out Juan here was just counting down the minutes to tonight’s season premiere of True Blood.” – Shawn
“Sookie.” – Gus
Dead Bear Walking
“You mounted a police radio in your personal car?” – Lauren Lassiter
“Are you kidding? I’m having one built for my shower.” – Lassie
“Hello I’m Shawn Spencer, this is my partner Radio Star. I’m afraid your video will kill him.” – Shawn
“Uhm … I’m not trying to be involved with bear crime, Shawn.” – Gus
“What did you think it was going to be when you heard ‘body at the zoo’ Gus? Some guy got killed by giraffe kisses?” – Shawn
“You and me, we’re the same. Except I shower occasionally. And I worked at an Arby’s once.” – Shawn, to McLeod, hippie protestor
“Mind if I get on my soap box here?” – McLeod
“I prefer you get in the soap box.” – Shawn
“I showered yesterday.” – McLeod
“You realize that’s the day before today.” – Shawn
“Are we seriously doing this?” – Gus
“Look, I called Benihana, and much to my chagrin, they could not accomodate a table for two plus an 800-pound polar bear.” – Shawn
“Excuse me, can I help you?” – Neighbor
“Uh … yes. Have you seen another set of guys that look like us? We seem to have lost track of our chicken fight.” – Shawn, on Gus’s shoulders
“Just so you know, if you go to prison, Shawn, I will not wait for you.” – Jules
“You won’t have to. I’ll escape. We both know that.” – Shawn
“This bear is scheduled to be executed, Shawn. It’s like it’s on death row.” – Gus
“Which makes me Susan Sarandon, you Robert Prosky and the bear Sean Penn. Now I’m thinking of the bear playing Harvey Milk.” – Shaw
“I would watch that movie.” – Gus
“Be a very different film from the original, but I think it would be … pretty emotional still.” – McLeod
“Now Lauren, please remember: Anyone ever makes a movie out of your documentary, I would like to be played by Cillian Murphy. Because it’s unexpected. Odd. People will talk. Obviously Stoney Jackson will play Gus. Fyvush Finkel will play my father. Now he’s probably gonna want to do a lisp, but that actually feels right to me.” – Shawn
Clacked by Keith McDuffee 
on Dec 15, 2010 @ 23:25 EST5EDT
