America’s Next Top Model – Oh what a tangled weave. …

That can only mean one thing: it’s Makeover Time on America’s Next Top Model! As usual, it came with much drama. Heck, these chicks, clearly veteran watchers of the show, started crying even before they set foot in the Privé Salon, already mourning the loss of their hair.  And while some got dramatic cuts – quirky Sara lost her little rat tail and went very androgynous, with a short clip that gave her a startling resemblance to Zach Braff – the theme of the day was extensions extensions extensions. Adding a weave to one’s hair can be problematic on this show. I can remember more than one cycle when a girl had to have her extensions adjusted because they were either painful or ill-fitting. No one had a worse time than poor Molly, whose end result made her look like a bargain basement version of Daryl Hannah meets Dee Snider. Yeah, it was bad. Really bad. Despite the fact the show had brought in an outside “extension specialist,” who might want to rethink putting this little escapade on her resume. Even tactful Mr. Jay thought it was a hot mess, although he toted the party line, saying that the look was Miss Tyra’s vision and just deal with it.

The show “roles” are getting more defined, with the house villain Alexandria getting the mean girl edit and Sookie Stackhouse’s cousin Jaclyn receiving the Best Confessional/Talking Head nod so far. Everything that comes out of her honey-accented mouth is pure gold. There are still myriad blondes that I cannot keep straight yet, but I’m banking on (No pun intended. Please.) Miss Tyra not holding a couple of their pictures in her hand sooner rather than later to help clear this up for me.

The photo shoot – featuring couture and the great outdoors – paired the girls in shots. The clothes were gorgeous. I especially liked the retro-futuristic garb on Mikaela and Sara. Guest judge Lori Goldstein, a renowned stylist, created not only the looks for the shoot, but provided constructive suggestions on set.  She also provided the biggest chuckle for me of the night, saying to photographer Pamela Hanson as she was dressing one of the girls “Look, Pammy – a little John Galliano never hurt anybody.” *wink* Nice move, editors, for leaving that one in.

All of Ms. Goldstein’s advice, however, couldn’t save freckle-faced, fiery-haired Dominque,who wilted before our eyes during the shoot and was sent home. And despite her bad attitude – on which Miss Tyra called her out – Alexandria was declared to have had the best photo of the week. Proving that sometimes bad girls do finish first.

Random randomness:

Miss J’s hair during some of the makeover clips was a spectacle all its own. It reminded me of Eddie Murphy‘s Buckwheat hair from the vintage Saturday Night Live sketches. We haven’t seen hair like quite like this since James Brown’s and Nick Nolte’s mug shots, y’all. Frankly, it was more interesting than a lot of the intended action during that segment.

Oh Andre Leon Talley, you still look dapper in your tailored suits and amped-up fedoras. But I miss your caftans. Wherefore art they?

The cutaway clip of mouthy pot-stirrer Alexandria reading a book called “God Calling” was ironic. Perhaps a little too much so. We get it, editors. Please.

Quotes of the night:

(Thick French accent) “It’s coming from my salon – what is that? Twisted Sister?” – Privé owner Laurent D. in response to seeing Molly’s horrible extensions

“I never said no to a double. I just said, ‘Back up, bitch!'” – Miss Tyra on group photo shoots

Clacked by Jane Graves
on Mar 10, 2011 @ 10:36 EST5EDT