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America’s Next Top Model – Walking on the wild side

Catty was the name of the game this week on 'ANTM,' both of the feline and female varieties.

- Season 16, Episode 5 - "Rachel Zoe"

Previously on ANTM: some girls didn’t have their photos in Miss Tyra’s hands and got sent home.

What I love about this show is that I can miss a couple of weeks (hooray for being on holiday!) and come right back to it without missing a beat. Miss Tyra’s formula is like breakfast at the diner on the corner: satisfying, familiar,  it’s not going to surprise you and is pretty much as good as the last time you ate there.

Although, if you didn’t know better, you’d think that this program had morphed into Life with Alexandria.  She’s pretty much everywhere – in the “candid” house clips, throwing temper tantrums and being bossy. She’s in the confessional, giving her perspective, laced with disdain and delivered with a sneer. She’s the target of some mean girl hijinks that involve a reading of her diary while she’s on the phone with her boyfriend. Girl is here, there and everywhere. And she’s the subject of everyone else’s confessionals, as they talk about what a witch-with-a-b*** she is.

***This is the opinion of the contestants of ANTM and as they say, may not necessarily reflect that of this writer. However, in this instance, said opinions are shared by contestants and this writer alike. Alexandria’s a pain.

A lot of time was also spent focusing on the epic battle between Molly and Her Weave. It’s out, it’s in, it’s burning, it hurts, it’s causing a rash. After devolving into something pretty horrible despite everyone’s best efforts, Miss Tyra calls the fight for The Weave and promises Molly, should she stay in the competition, that the wretched thing will be removed once and for all. Molly stays. The hair goes. No word yet if the CW is offering The Weave its own spin-off. Stay tuned.

Speaking of hair, there sure is a lot of it getting tossed around by these chicks. Paging the Product Placement People: a hair-care sponsor would be a nice addition to this show. Make a note.

The model-testants’ photo challenge this week, shot by photographer Baldomero Fernandez at the L.A. Zoo, featured them wearing pieces from the faux fur collection of guest judge (and new mom!) Rachel Zoe and sharing film with an adorable baby jaguar. That kitty was precious and more photogenic than some of the humans.  The judges – Miss Tyra in fierce thigh high boots and a pleated mini, Nigel Barker sporting a groovy animal print, Andre Leon Talley looking like a fey Nathan Detroit and glam Rachel Zoe —  provided good constructive criticism to the ladies. Kind of refreshing.  Hannah was deemed to have the best photo, followed by Brittani — and yes, both girls looked amazing. In the end, stiff and flat Dalya was the one without a photo in Miss Tyra’s hands and was sent packing. Along with Molly’s Weave.  Sadly, Alexandria’s Attitude looks to be sticking around for a while longer. Boo for the model-testants but yay for those of us who like our reality shows with a heavy dose of train wreck and a healthy smattering of catty.

Quotes of the night:

“Be careful with the body language so it doesn’t get too hoochie.” – Mr. Jay

“I’m a little nervous about your left arm underneath Rachel’s (Zoe) fur – with that look on your face, it looks a little freaky-deaky.” – Miss Tyra to prim Southern belle Jaclyn

 

Photo Credit: Lisa Rose/The CW

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