But for two instances, American Idol was uninspirative

I was going to squawk about Lady Gaga, a mentor who shouldn’t even have appeared on American Idol. Why? Because Jimmy Iovine (and I’ve said this time and again) told us there would be no mentors this season on Idol. But that’s rather the moot point … isn’t it? (By the by, her makeup scared the crap out of me.)

Hokay … how ’bout I bark about the judges and what they’re hearing … or not hearing, as is usually the case? But no point there, either, as they’re still pulling the same glad-handing, cutesy critiques they’ve been pulling all season. *sigh*

Well, that leaves dissecting inspirational songs and the Leiber and Stoller Songbook, the themes of this episode. And if you think themes such as those would lend to a good show, you might have another thing coming.

For his inspirational take, James Durbin chose Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” … and it wasn’t that good. Adequate is the best I can come up with. I’ll tell you what wasn’t adequate, however — it was Randy Jackson’s post-performance gushing at James. Randy was talking out his ass. James performed nowhere near as well as Randy made it out to be. So even here, at this stage of the game with the Top 4, we see the judges still have no common sense and would rather kowtow to the kids rather than tell it like it is. I shouldn’t be left flabbergasted, but I am.

Haley Reinhart’s take on Michael Jackson’s “Earth Song” was outright painful; her screaming especially. You couldn’t not miss it. If you needed a restroom break during her stint, you could have heard her powering through the song through the closed door. But! In an interesting turnabout, Randy throws the kitchen sink at her as to what was wrong with her song interpretation … and I had to wonder: Where did that come from … ?!? Where was that kind of critique for James a few moments prior? Oh. That’s right. It was “Don’t Stop Believin'” a song Randy’s played a thousand times before, so it was difficult for him to come down on it, right? Conversely, it was nice to see Haley throw it right back at Randy and stand her ground, regardless of her craptastic performance.

“Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)” was Scotty McCreery’s choice for an inspirational tune. Nothing I say here is going to be original: It was timely, it touched people, it resounded with everyone, and it was the absolute perfect song for him to do.  (“You know what chew (sic) did?” JLo asked Scotty post-performance. I don’t know who “Chew” is, but JLo obviously did. Or … maybe it was just the “ethnic” coming out in her.)

Lastly, it was  Martina McBride’s  “Anyway,” committed by Lauren Alaina. And it was committed, all right … committed to the annals of “MehDom,” as it was a bore. Look … when someone (Steven Tyler in this case) compares what you did to a “Blue Plate Special,” it’s not a compliment. Not by a long shot. In other words, Steven couldn’t come up with a better metaphor. That doesn’t bode well. On the flip side, you have these respective quotes from Randy and JLo: “That was a great vocal performance.” “You know what was wrong with that performance? Absolutely nothing!” And both quotes were pure bullshit. Just because “Anyway” was Lauren’s song inspiration doesn’t let her off the hook … it was performed lifelessly. In some ways her performance was akin to Jacob Lusk’s swan song from the previous week — if you’re going to fill it with nothing but sucky effort, you need to be called on it not praised for it. *yeesh*

Let’s move on to the Leiber and Stoller Songbook and see if anything improves. But, wait … just for a moment, let’s consider three words for a second: Leiber. Stoller. Gaga. See anything that doesn’t fit? Anything wrong here? Yeah, I thought you’d pick up on that.

Despite each Idols‘ dubious familiarity with their tunes, Haley certainly came out with maximum capitalization for her effort. Matter of fact, she freakin’ hit it out of the park. Her “I Who Have Nothing” was an outstanding undertaking, and she made the absolute most of it. Scary as Lady Gaga’s mentoring and makeup were, they seemed to inject some much needed *umph* into Haley’s second turn on stage:

Scotty’s tune, however, was a disaster. I don’t know if he was trying to channel last week’s “Gone,” or if Lady Gaga’s mentoring session simply unnerved him, but his interpretation of “Youngblood” was clownish, an over-theatrical mess. Did. Not. Work. And Randy? Get real. “We didn’t see … both sides of a Scotty concert” because that is not who he is. “Scotty and Lady Gaga … I can’t think of a better fit,” Jimmy Iovine commented. His joke fell out of his mouth just as flat as the performance.

And good gordness: Lauren’s “Trouble” certainly was for her. She started out convincingly enough. And she made an attempt to get into the lyrics, but fell apart when the tempo of the song picked up. You could see the air being let out of her tires, the song and her confidence deflating right before our very eyes. It was almost uncomfortable.

And wow, James’ “Love Potion #9″ took on a life of its own … and not a good one, either. It was a stuttering, elongated, protracted, stretched out and pregnant slough. I couldn’t even call his ending theatrical or comical. It was just a mess, plain and simple.

Scotty and James have nothing to worry about. Haley doesn’t either. The truth of the matter is Lauren can’t keep her chin held high, and her confidence manifested into stage presence that cries “bold winner” when she’s up there. It will be her downfall.

Clacked by Michael Noble
on May 12, 2011 @ 11:43 EST5EDT