MasterChef – There’s an officer on deck … and his name is Cap’n Douchey

Captain Douchey out-douched himself this evening on MasterChef. And I know you know exactly who I’m talking about: Gloucester, MA monkey boy Christian Collins.

I find it difficult to believe this clown doesn’t realize he’s being such an ass. He’s pretentious, arrogant and vainglorious. And that’s just for starters.

So, when Gordon Ramsay called him on down to give Jennifer’s thoroughly interesting risotto dish a try during one challenge, you just knew some sort of wrong way rubbing was in the making. And sure enough, there was. Naturally, Christian was pissed over the fact he was forced to bear witness to the creativeness of her dish, but when he shot his “I’ve tasted better” comment Ramsay’s way after giving it a try, the chef let him have it. That tongue lashing was a thing of beauty, raising eyebrows on other contestants’ faces, but it didn’t do much for Cap’n Douchey:

“Am I going to stand up there and butter Jen’s ass? I don’t think so,” he said off camera.

At the start, I dug this guy. I thought he’d go far … and he has. He’s in the Top 6, for Pete’s sake. But the overbearing and egotistical manner in which he holds court is off-putting and in the worst possible taste. He’s just one of those guys you’re never going to get through to, no matter what fate awaits him. I would love to see a come-to-Jesus meeting take place that humbles him right to the very core, but I doubt that’s going to happen, not even if he’s nixed from the competition. Even if it does, The Cap’n swallows so many bitter pills in the morning it won’t make one whit of difference. Besides, he’s not going anywhere anytime soon, not by a long shot. He’s too good a culinary student to get the boot.

Derrick and Christine, however, weren’t so lucky. Both have been outclassed for a while now, holding on with nothing but the skin of their teeth of late. So it was no surprise they were let go, especially after their poor performances in the tomato soup and grilled cheese challenge.

Next week? More “amazings” from Gordo, more angsty moments from the remaining players in the game and additional grumblings from The Cap’n. How’s that for a safe bet?

Notes:

• Best uplifting moment of the show? When Joe Bastianich told exiting Derrick to look him up at one of his restaurants in New York where they would sit down to an espresso and discuss his future as a chef. “Oh. That would be sick!” was Derrick’s gleeful response.
• Gordon Ramsay “amazing” declarations during the show: 2

Quotes:

• “Miss Smarty Knickers is going simple.” — Gordon on Suzy’s prawn bisque and bison dish
• “It’s surf and turf time. I think I’m going to win this one.” — Captain Douchey (Christian) who did not win.
• “That is one of your worst performances on MasterChef.” — Gordon to Ben on his craptastic tomato soup and grilled cheese.

Clacked by Michael Noble
on Aug 03, 2011 @ 12:39 EST5EDT