“Hello boys and girls, my name is David Running Horse Sawitzki, and I am one-sixteenth Cherokee Indian.” – David Running Horse Sawitzki
“Does that mean we only have to pay one-sixteenth attention to you?” – Cartman
“Thanksgiving is about murder?” – Butters
“In every journal entry we researched from those early pilgrims. not one entry mentions anything about aliens not being there.” – Duncan Everton
“Did ancient aliens shape the first Thanksgiving? Is it mere coincidence that Cape Cod, when viewed from space, looks like an alien life form?” – History Channel voiceover
“Did you guys know that when you stop menstruating, it’s called menopause?” – Cartman
“What?” – Stan
“Yeah, God takes your period away, and apparently it makes you really irritable. I was thinking that might be why Kyle’s been so grouchy lately.” – Cartman
“Coming up next is ‘Monster Quest’. Arg! Followed by ‘Hairy Bikers’. Grrr. But now, back to part three of Ancient Aliens at Thanksgiving.” – History Channel announcer
“Look, if anybody knows about stuffing, it’s Natalie Portman!” – Scientist