“Well Dad, it was really great seeing you. We’d love to stay for dinner, but the food here gives Sharon diarrhea.” – Randy
“What?! Randy!” – Sharon
“Shhh! Just trying to leave without being rude.” – Randy
“Dad, you shouldn’t be spending your retirement money on frivolous things! You should be saving it for when you die. That’s our money!” – Randy
“It’s a gift from my grampa, OK, and it cost a lot of money.” – Stan
“No, dude … it’s … bad ass.” – Cartman
“It happens to be worth $6000!” – Stan
“THAT … was six grand?” – Kyle
“Yea, dude. It’s a recreation of the bolo tie word by King Henry V!” – Stan
“… Dude, it’s fucking gay as fuck.” – Cartman
“These earrings normally go for six million dollars. We’re gonna sell these today for …. pbpbpbpbpb … $320.” – Dean of Jewely Bonanza
“That’s the chemical equation for gold?” – Kyle
“That’s right: guys with Cash for Gold signs gives you people’s unwanted crappy jewelry, which when added to a cable-based shopping network, divided by demented old people equals … gold.” – Cartman
“Kenny, will you tell Cartman to shut up?” – Kyle
“Shut the fuck up, dude. You’re a fucking asshole.” – Kenny (muffled)
“Oh, I’m an asshole for doing math!” – Cartman
“And that’s it, we just sold this bracelet to Ms. Marcia Tubbs. Marcia, thank you so much for your call, you just got yourself a heck of a deal on this one. You there Marcia?” – Dean
“Yes … [sound of car horn beeping] … I’m lost. I’m lost walking on the freeway.” – Marcia, on phone
“Alright you’re lost walking on the freeway, enjoy your tiger’s eye aquamarine bracelet.” – Dean
“OK, next item … Next item we’re gonna do is 55216 uh 77 … 55. This is … oh my god, look at this you guys. This is 200-carat, Brazilian emerald and plastacine ring. I’m gonna start the bidding at … let’s see … eight-billion dollars. Eight-billion dollars, opening bid. We’ve gotta sell this ring today. Tell you what — I’m gonna take it down a little. We’re gonna drop that price down to … $75.95.” – Cartman
“Can I ask you something Mrs. Appleby? Do you like fucking little boys?” – Cartman
” … I’m sorry?” – Mrs. Appleby
” Just wondering if you fuck kids all the time, ‘cuz that’s what you just did with this deal. You got a eight-billion-dollar ring for $75.95. You fucked me good, Mrs. Appleby. Congratulations, mam.” – Cartman
“Thank you.” – Mrs. Appleby
“Were you just flipping through the channels and saw me selling this ring and thought, ‘hm, I’d like to fuck that kid?'” – Cartman
“I thought it’d be a lovely gift for my granddaughter, Jessica. She’s captain of the debate team at Jefferson High School …” – Mrs. Appleby
“Okay! Thanks for shopping with us. I’ve gotta go get the taste of old lady dick outta my mouth.” – Cartman
“Billy … that … that bolo tie you’re wearing?” – Stan’s grampa
“Yeah?” – Stan
“I dunno where you got that, but it’s fucking gay as fuck.” – Grampa
“Cool, I … I won’t wear it anymore.” – Stan
“That’s a good idea.” – Grampa
“Hello? I’m calling about the peridot earrings.” – Lady caller
“Yes ma’m!” – Dean
“They’d look good on your dead body. What don’t you kill yourself.” – Lady caller
Clacked by Keith McDuffee 
on Mar 21, 2012 @ 23:04 EST5EDT
