South Park – Cartman is now Jewish, and full-contact Easter egg hunting

“Legends tell of a horrific four-legged creature from Mexico that sucks the blood of goats, and it might have just been spotted in South Park.” – Cartman
“What does that have to do with Passover?” – Kyle
“All that I can promise you is: that this is going to be the most memorable Passover ever.” – Cartman

“If someone says that they saw a Sasquatch, they’re either lying or they are stupid! Now stop lying about the Jewpacabra before stupid people start believing you!” – Kyle

“I’m gonna try a Jewpacabra mating call now. NO CHRIST! NO CHRIST! I’M REALLY NOT BEHIND THIS WHOLE CHRIST THING!” – Cartman

“What do you think, Peters? What are the chances that this Jewpacabra is real?” – Sooper Foods boss
“I’m estimating about .000000001 percent.” – Peters

“Those … those cryptozoologists didn’t know what they were talking about. They … they just gave me a case of the Hebrew-jeebies is all.” – Cartman

“Jesus loves me, this I know
‘Cause republicans tell me so
Little ones God will protect
‘Cuz letting kids be harmed is child neglect.” – Cartman

“Hello young man. Let me start out by saying Sooper Foods is absolutely not an anti-semitic company. But … if your people do have a monster creature that feeds on children, we just wanted to let you know there’s a scarifice for it in a park that is totally fun and safe to eat. Thank you.” – Sooper Foods boss to Kyle

“There are two things that people think about when they are grocery shopping: fun and safety. On this beautiful Easter morning, we are thrilled to give back to the people of South Park, who for the third year in a row have made our grocery store number four in fun and number six in safety.” – Sooper Foods boss

Clacked by Keith McDuffee
on Apr 04, 2012 @ 22:40 EST5EDT