FOX
Everybody loves trick-or-treating, but how awesome would it be to go out on Halloween night in the world of our favorite television shows?
The Bauer Household (24)
- Kids: “Trick-or-treat”
- Jack [over intercom]: “Chloe? Is that you?”
- Kids: “Huh?
- Jack [over intercom]: “I need the schematics of this house. I’m sending you the address now. There’s someone at the front entrance.”
- Kids: “We just wanted some candy.”
- Jack [over intercom]: “Can you run a voice match analysis, too? See if they’re connected to the terrorist attack at the embassy earlier.”
- Kids: “Come on, let’s go to the next house.”
- Jack [over intercom]: “Not so fast.” [gas comes from doorknob, knocking kids out.] “Chloe, how we coming on that intel?”
Chris’s Household (Everybody Hates Chris)
- Rochelle: “Julius, what is this big white bag?”
- Julius: “It’s candy.”
- Rochelle: “It’s hard as a rock. They look like rocks.”
- Julius: “I’m not giving good candy to the kids in this neighborhood.”
- Rochelle: “Julius, I will not have these kids telling their mothers that I don’t have real candy at my house. What happened to the M&M’s I bought?”
- Julius: “I put those back for Christmas.”
- [Knock knock] Kids: “Trick-or-treat.”
- Julius: “Just give them one candy apiece.”
- Rochelle: [giving handfuls to the kids] “There you go. Oh don’t you look so cute.”
- Julius: “Rochelle! That’s twelve cent worth of candy you gave that kid.”
- Rochelle: “Shut up, Julius!” [to kids] “Come back later and I’ll give you M&M’s.”
- Julius: “You better not be giving out my M&M’s!”
The House Household (House)
- House: “What?”
- Kid: “Trick-or-treat.”
- House: [Eating candy] “And…”
- Kid: “Um, you’re supposed to give us candy.”
- House: “Why?”
- Kid: “It’s Halloween.”
- House: “So why don’t you give me candy? You’ve got more than I do.”
- Kid: “But–“
- House: “Why don’t we just switch, then. Mine are all the same.”
- Kid: “But these look like pills.”
- House: “Placebos. Enjoy!” [Door slams]
The Day Household (Kath & Kim)
- Kim: “Mom, there’s kids standing on the porch again.” [To kids] “Go away. You’re lettering.”
- Kath: “Well give them some candy, Kim. It’s Halloween.”
- Kim: “What candy?”
- Kath: “The candy by the door. God, Kim do I have to– What happened to the candy?”
- Kim: “I don’t know.”
- Kath: “This bowl is empty.”
- Kim: “Well God, Mom, I have to eat too.”
- Kath: “You ate an entire bowl– Kim, my God, that was a ten pound bag.”
- Kim: “Do we have any chips?”
The Hickey Household (My Name is Earl)
- Kids: “Trick-or-treat.”
- Earl: “Aw, look at those great costumes. And what are you supposed to be?”
- Kid: “A prostitute.”
- Earl: “Okay. And what are you — Randy, what are you doing?”
- Randy: “Trick-or-treat, Earl. Look, I’m an astronaut.”
- Earl: “Oh my God, Randy. You put a plastic bag on your head?”
- Randy: “I’ve always wanted to go trick-or-treating, Earl. And it’s a space helmet.
- Earl: “Randy–“
- Randy: “It’s getting kind of hot in here. Can I get that candy now, Earl?”
- Earl: “You need to take that bag off your head.”
- Randy: “Not so fast, how do I know there’s enough carbon dioxide in the air to breathe?”
- Earl: “Come on, Randy.”
- Randy: “Oh, I’m seeing stars now, Earl. I told you this was a good costume.”
The Kelly/Reynolds Households (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)
- Frank: “Charlie, grab that bag of candy over there.”
- Charlie: “I’m not going near that bowl.”
- Frank: “Why not? There’s kids at the door. Come on.”
- Charlie: “Well, give them a can of beer. There’s a case by the door there.”
- Frank: “But these beers have been here for four years.”
- Charlie: “It’s aged beer, Frank. Beer gets better with age.”
- Frank: “No it doesn’t. Wine–“
- Charlie: “Frank, I think I know a little bit about beer. I do own a bar.”
- Frank: “I own a– Never mind, just get the candy.”
- Charlie: “You don’t want me to get that bowl.”
- Frank: “Why not. Charlie just get the–“
- Charlie: “Because I pissed in the bowl last night, Frank. Are you happy now? I thought it was the piss bucket and I pissed in it.”
- Frank: “Are you sure?”
- Charlie: “I tried to have some candy for breakfast this morning. I think I’m pretty sure.”
- Frank: “Well that’s just great.”
- Charlie: “Interestingly, the Tootsie Rolls absorbed a lot more of the flavor than the Sugar Daddys.”
- Frank: “You ate more than one?”
- Kids: “Trick-or-treat?”
- Frank: [Hands the kids ketchup packets] Here, go find some french fries.” [Slams door]
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Ha! Great post. Thanks for the laugh, Jason!
hilarious!
Hahaha this is soo funny! It really does seem like the characters would say that