This week’s edition of See Jane Clack is dedicated to all the wonderful late-night shows I have the privilege of watching as I work into the wee hours. Such well-bred, sophisticated, and natural talents you won’t find anywhere else on the tube. Why, it makes me want to break out the caviar and ring for a butler. Let’s take a look into my late-night excursions:
The Girls Next Door (E!). Ever wondered what goes on inside the Playboy mansion? I know it’s always been a dream of mine, and now we get to find out when Hef and his ladies Bridget, Holly and Kendra expose all on this show. I tune in to: 1) get pointers on how to achieve my lifelong ambition of being a Playboy bunny, 2) see what new pets Hef has acquired (no, not the bunnies, we’re talking monkeys, flamingos and parrots), and 3) see if Hef is still alive. Because a day without Hef is like a day without sunshine, gosh wrinkly darnit.
Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew (VH1). If I was a down and out celebrity with addiction problems, I’d love to work everything out on national TV in front of millions of people. Wouldn’t you? I bet my mom would be so proud if I made it on a show like that and had Gary Busey mentoring me back to emotional health. And Jeff Conaway looks good, doesn’t he? Damn, he looks good.
Snoop Dogg’s Father ‘Hood (E!). If I can’t be a Playboy bunny or a celeb with crack-cocaine problems, I want to grow up to be Snoop Dogg. If only I had the talent and sophistication of the Dogg, my life would be complete. And I just love his suave hairdo, sparkly jewels and shiny shirts, don’t you? And his music! Gosh, he could be Frank Sinatra with that voice. Maybe if I watch the show long enough, I, too, can achieve the status of a felon with groovy pot and ammo in my possession. I’ve heard those community service programs really burn the calories, so that’s just a bonus.
Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels (VH1). I wish I could get my husband to wear eye-liner. It’s so becoming on a guy, isn’t it? Especially when paired with those nifty bandannas that Bret wears. It’s no wonder those charming women want to be with Bret. I bet they spend their time on the bus watching Merchant-Ivory films and discussing the works of Jane Austen. Take a look and see if you don’t agree:
Clacked by Jane Boursaw 
on Jan 18, 2009 @ 09:00 EST5EDT
