See Jane Clack – Chocolate vaginas, naked Pam Anderson, and Jack’s speedy mouth

Clearly, I lead a sheltered life, because I saw some stuff on TV this week that made me go “hmmm” and “ewww,” and has me re-thinking my chocolate addiction. But let’s start things off with…

Jack Bauer’s speedy mouth. Have you noticed that Jack talks faster and faster with every season? Wow, when he’s in the middle of saving the world, it’s like his mouth is in fast-forward or something. I think he gets even faster when he’s on death’s door. Maybe that’s it. He knows he only has two hours to live, so he’s gotta get all that intel out. And fast!

I’m loving the Jimmy Dean Sausage commercials. And thinking the sun, fog, rainbow and planets should get their own show, but we all know what happened with the cavemen, so best not to go there. But I’d really like to sit down with The Sun and have him talk me through a few trouble spots. I’m positive he could bring some color back into my life, motivate me to shine again, and get me spinning on my axis….

Chocolate vaginas and molded breasts. I caught The Girls Next Door the other night. It’s the one where they had chocolate molds made of their body parts for Hef’s birthday. Holly, Bridget and Kendra actually went to a chocolatier and had molds made of their breasts, vagina and butt (and let’s just say I’ll never think of the word “starfish” the same way again). It’s wrong on so many levels, starting with lying naked on a commercial chocolate-making table and ending with…

Naked Pamela Anderson. The party ended with nude Pamela prancing out and presenting a cake (or something, no one was really paying attention to what was in her hands)  to Hef. All I can say is, even with her private parts blurred out by the TV, you can tell that girl’s been rode hard and put away wet. Just sayin’….

And what IS it about Hef? I think of Hugh Hefner as a rich pimp who’s made millions off women’s bodies his entire life, and yet all the girls who flock around him think he’s a god. What’s up with that? Do you really think he treats women like precious creatures to be revered and respected? Or just sexual objects with giant dollar signs hanging off their massive breasts?

As always, I await your comments with gleeful anticipation.

Clacked by Jane Boursaw
on Apr 19, 2009 @ 16:00 EST5EDT