Quotation Marks – Special Weddings, Swimfan, and seminars

The week that NBC proved to everyone that they don’t care about hour long dramas anymore, they at least gave Jim/Pam ‘shippers the moment they’d been waiting for, a very special Wedding on The Office. Matt Damon showed up on the Entourage finale, and got a good one in on Drama. And Glee proves that it is easily the most quotable show on television today.

The Office

“What are you doing?” — Oscar
“I’m trying to decide if I have time to pee.” — Kevin
“How long do you take to pee?” — Oscar
“The peeing is fast, Oscar. It’s getting my tie back on.” — Kevin

FlashForward

“I’m the CEO of the airline. All the executives are taking flights today, to prove to the customers that the skies are safe again.” — CEO
“How’s that working out for you?” — Zoey
“Gangbusters. Another scotch” — CEO

Psych

“Imagine Robert Goulet dressed like Mr. Bean playing the scarecrow in a summer stock production of The Wizard of Oz dedicated to Tony Randall.” — Stewart, the client, describing Lassiter

“Why are you reading that file like Mr. Peanut?” — Shawn to Lassiter, who was sporting a monocle

“This could be a matter of life and death… or mange.” — Shawn, trying to convince Jules to send some hair to the lab

Modern Family

“I’m all about taking it to the next level.” — Phil
“Really? Because I thought you were all about keeping it real.” — Claire
“Yeah, but you keep it real so you can take it to the next level, didn’t you know that?” — Phil

Glee

“I can’t get Rachel out of my head. She kind of creeps me out in that Swimfan sort of way, but she can really sing and her body’s smokin’. If you’re not into boobs.” — Finn

“Look at us. You pregnant and me with psoriasis and one testicle that won’t descend. I don’t know who to feel more sorry for.” — Ken Tanaka to Terri

“While the boys chose a selection of songs that casts an eye inward to reflect the hunger of today’s modern teens, we’ve chose a selection of songs that speaks to the nation as a whole during these troubling times of economic uncertainty and unbridled social roil, because if there are two things America needs right now, it is sunshine and optimism. And also, angels.” — Rachel

“Do yourself a favor, honey, and marry Ken Tanaka. Oh, sure, he’s dumb like sand, and his fondue pot of nationalities is going to open your kids up to a host of genetic diseases. But he’s kind, and he’s generous, and he’s available.” — Terri to Emma

Cougar Town

“You can’t use the same person for both things. One’s a gardener and the other’s an artist.” — Jules on waxing eyebrows and the bikini area

How I Met Your Mother

“Yes, totally. Only thing, I like my testicles attached to my body rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin’s purse.” — Barney to Ted, about changing to be a better boyfriend to Robin

“It’s funny, when you date someone it’s like you’re taking one long course on who this person is, and when you break up all that stuff becomes useless. It’s the emotional equivalent of an English degree.” — Ted

House

“I’d rather have a pinprick on my conscience than the death of her family members.” –Cuddy to Cameron about taking blood from one of Dibala’s coerced people.

“I need you to spread your legs so I can do an ‘H’.” – House to Cameron as he’s miming the diagnosis to Foreman

“I’d stand outside your window with a boombox all night but you told me you hate ’80s music.” –Foreman to Thirteen as he tries to make up with her

Entourage

“I’m out of the business.” — Drama
“Were you in the business?” — Matt Damon

“Yeah, he must have slipped out. But I can see the brochures opened up here on the table.” — Drama
“Put him on the fucking phone, John.” — Matt Dmaon
[Hands phone to Vince] “Sorry, he Jason Bourne-ed me.” — Drama

“I … I represent Jon & Kate Plus 8!” — Talent agent at Ari’s old (and now new) firm
*pow pow pow pow pow pow* — Ari’s paintball gun

Californication

“Have you taken the sexual harassment seminar yet?” — Felicia, after Hank says something offensive
“Yeah, I had Jill take it for me online. What? It’s like traffic school!” — Hank

“I may be easy, but I am not sleazy.” – Hank

Next Iron Chef

“I’m not even sure how to get at it. The thing’s like a weapon.” — Chef Farmerie on his secret ingredient, Durian.