Somehow I boxed myself into a corner where the choices are few and far between. I suppose it’s partially because most times I came to a barren night I just set it aside for later. And I guess later had to come eventually, right? I actually do have some competitive nights left on NBC and ABC, and the final rounds are shaping up to be awesome, but for now let’s dispense with what remains of the week from CBS.
Friday
8:00-9:00 I was a boy who had no interest in The Dukes of Hazzard. Don’t know why, but I didn’t. I do know why I wasn’t into The Twilight Zone though — no science fiction for me! I have faint memories of watching Beauty and the Beast with my mother, but I think that’s because we had seen the play on Broadway as a family. Scarecrow and Mrs. King sounds like a very Magnum P.I.-crowd thing, Snoops was a modern-day procedural made in the wrong decade, Evening Shade sounds like a movie starring The Rock, and Princesses may have been a worse copy of The Golden Girls than The Golden Palace. Diagnosis: Murder had the wrong Dr. Mark Sloan, Dave’s World was a bad move by Harry Anderson, Family Matters just didn’t get me where it should have, and The Fugitive was Richard Kimble as played by Tim Daly. Major Dad was forgettable, Meego was more aliens, and Love & Money was Romeo and Juliet for the thousandth time. I’ve never thought much of Jennifer Love Hewitt, so I don’t really get why Ghost Whisperer is so talked about, and I feel the same about Joan of Arcadia. Which leaves me with The Incredible Hulk … I was going to go with it, but that might be just for the sake of having something in this slot. That’s not a good enough reason. Free Play.
9:00-10:00 We can dispense with The Dukes of Hazzard and Ghost Whisperer. Dallas was way before my time in too many ways, while I enjoyed The Carol Burnett Show with my father, but never would have found it on my own. Designing Women was fun for people older and more female than me, the CSI family has never struck my fancy, and Step By Step is a good distraction if you’re in Europe and have time to kill. Burke’s Law was a failed revival of a classic, Picket Fences is one I’m sorry I missed, and Now and Again was Universal Soldier for TV. That’s Life would have been more relevant 30 years ago, First Monday was a miss for Joe Mantegna, Hack starred Andre Braugher, and Close To Home was a legal drama that I never even heard of, which has to say something. Moonlight starred vampires, Medium a gifted crime-solver, and Flashpoint just passed me by. Which leaves me with JAG. I never watched it, save for the two episodes that became NCIS, but I love it’s spin-off, it’s premise, and legal shows. JAG it is.
10:00-11:00 Be gone Dallas and Picket Fences. Falcon Crest was a primetime soap for a different generation, American Gothic was a horror series starring Gary Cole, and Nash Bridges didn’t work for this Bad Boys guy. The Handler could have spent more time on the undercover cases, Dr. Vegas should have never happened, and Numb3rs is just too much quirky CBS crime procedural for me. It’s an early night with another Free Play.
Saturday
8:00-9:00 Airwolf seems like The A-Team meets old Tom Cruise movies, Downtown had parolees helping to solve crimes, My Sister Sam tried to make a one episode bit into a full series, and Dirty Dancing tried to cash in on a classic movie. Paradise sounds like yet another movie starring The Rock, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman and Touched by an Angel are good for when you’re looking for daytime TV in Mexico, and Game Show in My Head could have succeeded in any day other than the reality show era. I’m actually going to choose a show that I’ve only seen a handful of times, but is one that I appreciate more after Journeyman. I’ll take Kyle Chandler and Early Edition here.
9:00-10:00 We covered Touched by an Angel, Hack, and Early Edition. I’m not a Mickey Spillane fan, so Mike Hammer does nothing for me. I gifted Simon & Simon to Debbie, Tour of Duty was a recycled plot, Raven is someone else, and The 5 Mrs. Buchanans was about a daughter-in-law-eating mother-in-law, not polygamists. Martial Law was Rush Hour for TV, The District was about life in Washington while Citizen Baines was about life after, and Harper’s Island was a horror-fest. Free Play for me.
10:00-11:00 We can cross off The Twilight Zone and The District. Cover Up sounds like a bad book, Angel Street was a female buddy-cop show, and The Agency was about the CIA. I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I was a Walker, Texas Ranger fan. I love Chuck Norris, I’ve seen the Missing in Action movies 100 times, and that’s it.
Sunday
8:00-9:00 Archie Bunker’s Place and Gloria should have left All in the Family alone, Alice was for a whole different generation of viewers, and Murder, She Wrote was one of my father’s favorites. Cybill failed to match Murphy Brown’s success, we already discussed Touched by an Angel, and reality competitions The Amazing Race and Big Brother are not my bag. The Education of Max Bickford used Richard Dreyfuss’ movie teaching skills, Becker used Ted Danson’s fame, and My Big Fat Greek Life tried cashing in on the little indie movie that could. Viva Laughlin thought that … yeah, Almost Perfect was far from, and One Day at a Time never made me laugh. I’m actually going to slot Cold Case here. I know it’s earlier than seems right, but this way, even with the inevitable sports-related delays, it won’t end so late.
9:00-10:00 We covered Alice, One Day at a Time, and Cold Case already. The Jeffersons was one of a number of “classic” sitcoms that I didn’t get, Goodnight, Beantown was a bad Back to You, and Three Rivers scares me. Seriously. Which leaves me with Free Play.
10:00-11:00 Not a lot to talk about here. Trapper John, M.D. should not have been the doc with the spin-off, Without A Trace missed big for me, I didn’t enjoy James Woods on Shark, and I just couldn’t connect with The Unit. And so it’s another Free Play to close out the weekend … an 8:00 pm Cold Case should be over by now, right?
That’s it. We’re officially done with CBS. Lots of good stuff, but it’s interesting that a network that’s currently #1 was iffy not so long ago. What do you think? What does your dream weekend on CBS look like?
Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Mar 26, 2010 @ 14:30 EST5EDT
Wow–all I needed to read to figure how bad this clack is was that you love Chuck Norris–what a loser. As a quick example, Mr. Bad ass Texas Ranger always beat up the bad guys, but never really wiped one out; forgetting that he couldn’t act, after one season of seeing good guys killed and bad guys, beat up; but still around to continue their ways–I lost interest. Reminded me of some old, old Ninja movies that were televised in Hawaii years ago–the hero kept beating up the bad guys each week; again, they were around to chase him in the following weeks serial. The acting was about equal to Walker, but it was in Japanese with American sub-titles.