Michael: So … I was thinking: We could use Dolph, y’know? Things? Situations? People? You follow me?
For example: Dolph! He could ride shotgun with me during various Los Angeles area errands.
Tara: Hey, I know I could use him. I live in the Detroit suburbs now. Need I say more?
Michael: That notorious neighbor who keeps sending his daughters over to kype lemons? Dolph’d deal with’em.
Tara: Mother-In-Law? DONE!
Michael: One word: Oprah.
Tara: Ooooooh yeah, Oprah. He could melt her like the Wicked Witch and then give me her broom to auction on eBay!
Michael: Oh … I’d send him to meet a certain Florida pastor, too. Not to do anything, you understand. Just to stand there and glare at him….
Tara: Religious fanatics. Bah!
Michael: He’d make a great American Idol judge.
Tara: Weelll. No one can replace Simon in my book. But maybe Dolph could keep flattening Ryan Seacrest’s hair every time the camera is on him. Heh. Or give him an electric jolt if he pauses too long between words. “This … is … American … OUCH!” Heh.
Michael: I would so send him to the Geico home offices. Smoked lizard, ala carte. Freakin’ Geico lizard….
Tara: Wait. That lizard is cute! Could we just send Dolph to my third grade teacher’s house instead?? She told me that my St. Patrick’s Day leprechaun really looked like an elf. Wench! I’ve been turned off of drawing ever since. I might have had a future in that. Who knows? Let’s send him to *her* instead!
Michael: Done and done. Speaking of your third grade teacher, you just gave me a thought: You know where I could have really used Dolph’s services? Middle school. What with the parents never using the crosswalks … letting the kids out in the middle of the streets … parking illegally … Dolph would’ve come in as handy as all get out. You just gotta love Dolph.
Tara: See? Middle school is fraught with dangers! And yeah, in this case I do dig Dolph. Before we go … an observation about the poor unicorn. The poor thing is a life metaphor. There you are … just standing around and minding your own business and thinking about rainbows and trying to be positive — when BAM!
Michael: Just goes to show you: Ignorance isn’t always bliss. Sometimes ignorance is hot and smokey….
Clacked by Michael Noble 
on Sep 17, 2010 @ 12:00 EST5EDT
How about Dolph would be an awesome contestant on Hells Kitchen!
Gordon: “Fuck me, Dolph how many legs does a lobster have?”
Dolph : “Smash, Crash, Burn, none! Urrrp!”
Gordon: “Christ you’re right Dolph!”
*POST AUTHOR*
. . . . .
Cripes … !!!
That is hilarious!