CommercialClack – Miracle Whip: Miracle? Or mistake?

Tara: I’ve got to say, I think the guys at Miracle Whip have a great sense of humor in portraying people who hate their product as much as love it.

It puts me immediately on their side, as most probably intended. I myself can’t stand Miracle Whip. I can always detect it over mayo, and not in a good way. It’s SO fake and sweet, and ruins a tasty chicken or tuna salad.

And really! Nothing is the greatest invention since toilet paper! C’mon. Toilet paper rules, especially if you’re a girl. When I imagine the poor pioneers and having to use leaves or dirt or something … ick!

Michael: Wow, Tara. I was just thinking the Exact! Same! Thing! What a perfect segue into a “sweet lotion sandwich.” *rolls eyes*

You know … I think I can relate to what that dude is saying in the commercial. If you’re not expecting a sweet lotion sandwich and, all of a sudden, your mouth is exploding with one, well … that’d harsh anyone’s mellow.

Tara: Are you just going to ignore James Carville‘s appearances in these ads? James wouldn’t like that, ya know. He rather craves attention. (Just like some other men I know.)

Michael: Speaking of Carville, I’m now craving ice cream.

Tara: No, dumbass, his name is Carville, not Carvel. You’re just trying to avoid a political discussion … aren’t you?

Michael: Once … once I voted to try Miracle Whip. I remember not liking it. That was a long, long time ago.

But it just so happens it was in front of me at the dinner table earlier this week. Singed and slightly burnt asparagus, Brussel’s sprouts and cauliflower were the vegetable of the evening’s meal and I decided to dab a bit on a few vegetables. Just a dab.

And you know what? It wasn’t too shabby. I’m not quite up to slathering it on a sandwich, however.

Michael: Now … I want you to pay particular attention to the two “gentlemen” in the above video: Pauly D of Jersey Shore fame and the tailor. Check out their hair.

Seriously: Who wears hair like that? Pauly D’s got a coif that’s safe at any speed. He looks as if he has a permanent crown on his head. You could use it to forge steel and I bet it would withstand the pounding. Yikes!

And the tailor? YowZah! Dude’s definitely got a fear of sideburns! I guess they refer to the the style as “wicked cool” in that part of the world, though. Perplexing.

Tara: I’ve never seen one minute of Jersey Shore.

Don’t get me wrong. You know I love some reality TV — usually competition shows. (American Idol, Hell’s Kitchen, Masterchef and The Apprentice are examples.) But I just haven’t been able to lower myself from my 5 foot 7 inches to that level. There’s reality TV and just plain “unscripted crap” TV. Someone should note the difference. Wait! I just did! From now on, these sorts of shows can be called UCTV. What say you?

Michael: Well, Tara all I have to say about that is you’re a freaking genius and, as co-author of CommercialClack, I expect monster-huge residuals.

Tara: Good luck with that!

Hey! Aren’t we going to talk to about the woman who mentions using Miracle Whip in the bedroom?

Michael: *dashes out of room with Miracle Whip in hand yelling* “Sweet lotion sammich: Here I come!”

Clacked by Tara Shrodes
on Mar 11, 2011 @ 10:00 EST5EDT