Quotation Marks – New Girl, Psych and … Dan LeBatard?

If you couldn’t tell by the length of this post, most shows are on their winter hiatus. Depending on how many shows are actually running new episodes the next couple of weeks, this might be the last Quotation Marks of 2011. So, let’s make it a good one, shall we?

New Girl (Review)

“Good for one night of nerdy, weird sex that works for both of us. No refunds or XXX-changes.” — Jess’ gift certificate gift for her boyfriend, Paul

“Hey, what are you doing in here?” –Jess, in the bathroom
“Kyle’s being a jerk. What are you doing in here?” –CeCe
“Eating cookies and avoiding confrontation.” – Jess

“… ‘Merry Christmas, Brendan. Don’t swallow these. Love, Uncle Nick’ … ?!?” — Schmidt questioning Nick’s gift choice to his nephew
“It’s a great gift. He’s a twelve-year old kid. He’s gonna love them.” — Nick defending the gift of thumb tacks

“Hi mom. I can’t talk right now. I’m in a really weird situation. No … I’m not high. I’m over that phase.” — Nick to his mother via phone

“Does that mean no more sexy Easter bunny?” — Kim to Schmidt as he sits in his Santa chair
“No sexy Easter bunny.” — Schmidt
“What about Cinco de Sexy?” — Kim
“No Cinco de Sexy.” — Schmidt
“And no sexy Martin Luther King?” — Kim
“I can never get the voice. I never felt I had the authority …” — Schmidt

“The man with no shirt killed Santa.” — Alvin
“Oh, you mean Schmidt? He was just dressing up like Santa.” — Winston
“Then why isn’t he wearing a shirt?” — Alvin
“You know, we ask ourselves that question every single day.” — Winston
“Is it because he’s a d-bag? Mommy says he’s a d-bag.” — Alvin

“It’ll be a good opportunity for you to some networking, help with the job search. I’m telling you, everybody’s hittin’ the ‘nog, having a good time, letting loose, you swoop in there, and then, boom! New job, man. That’s how things work. You know, Benjamins in your pocket, la pension, the four-to-the-O-to-the-one-to-the-K!” — Schmidt to Winston about why he should go to the office party
“You’re making me want to stay broke.” – Winston

Psych (Review)

“I know that you have very definite expectations of this weekend.” – Shawn
“What do you mean?” – Juliet
“Well, you sent me a email on the 5th saying, ‘Shawn, I have very definite expectations for this weekend.’” – Shawn
“Right, to which you replied, ‘Slumber party, nudey time, drinky drinky.’” – Juliet
“That’s my ‘Out of Office’ reply.” – Shawn

“It’s called being an adult, Shawn. You should try it sometime.” – Juliet
“I’m wearing a man’s robe.” – Shawn

“If I weren’t in a meaningful relationship, I could do all types of damage up in this hizzy … Am I saying that right? Hizzy?” — Lassiter

“I’m as young on the inside as these kids are on the outside.” – Henry
“Yeah, but when you were that young on the outside, this was all farm land.” – Gus

“Baby, all your facial parts are in the right spot.” – Shawn
“ … Thanks Shawn.” – Juliet

“She gets migraines. Horrible, horrible migraines. Yeah, the room starts spinning, down is up; up is down. Left is always left though.” – Clyve

“Stop saying the resort is sorry for our loss. The resort is a building. Unless it is Monster House or the Overlook Hotel, I am not impressed. Neither is my lady friend!” – Shawn

“Beef ribs! And … beef ribs. And … more beef ribs. Are you kidding me? Neither one of you thought to bring a vegetable?” – Henry
“This is man’s weekend, not a lady’s rotary club function.” – Lassiter

“You’re acting like a child, Shawn.” – Juliet
“I’M NOT ACTING!” – Shawn

“I have never seen a woman eat ribs like that in my life … except in cave man drawings.” – Lassiter

“That’s it, we are dirty thieves, but we are basically nice people and totally against animal cruelty.” – Barbie
“And illegal downloading. Piracy makes me sick!” – Clyve

“You could have just asked me to open the door you know, instead of pulling your gun on me.” – Housekeeping attendant
“Sorry, force of habit.” – Lassiter
“Jerk.” – Housekeeping attendant
“That’s fair.” – Lassiter

“Turn around, face your vehicle, get down on your knees, cross your ankles and put your hands behind your head.” – Lassiter
“What do you think I’m a gymnast, are you crazy? I’m not that flexible.“ – Jerry

Survivor (Review)

“I understand you gotta do what God wants you to do, but I know he doesn’t want you to write my name down now.” — Brandon to Coach, shortly before Coach’s deciding vote sent Brandon to Redemption Island

Raising Hope

“This is just like that movie Inception — I have absolutely no idea what’s going on.” – Jimmy

Dan Le Batard is Highly Questionable

“I looked at my phone and I got a text from Mom: ‘Horrible segment.'” — Dan
“She said that?” — Dan’s father
“Yeah. And she’s right.” — Dan
“It’s not the first time you’ve had a bad segment.” — Dan’s father
“No, it’s not. And it’s not the first time she’s told me so. It won’t be the last.” — Dan

“You know what blizzards you like best? The ones made by Dairy Queen.” – Dan

Beavis and Butt-Head

 “She should be a greeter. ‘I’m a whore, welcome to Costco.'” – Beavis on Snooki

Clacked by Ivey West
on Dec 18, 2011 @ 15:50 EST5EDT