The commercial break – Gary Unmarried

After having consciously decided to not watch a show, or to stop watching after tuning in for the first few weeks, have you ever wondered what you might be missing? I know we’ve all been there … the country’s ablaze with love for some steaming pile of garbage that you couldn’t stomach for more than ten minutes. The part of you that’s susceptible to public opinion wonders if you missed something. Or my favorite ego boost, that since you stopped watching they might have fixed all the problems you saw.

I’ve certainly been there. I’m not about to name names, because I know I’ll never hear the end of it if I do, but I’ve been there. However, this isn’t one of those times. No, I’ve never struggled with my decision to stop watching Gary Unmarried after the pilot. Not even when CliqueClack gave away a copy of the first season on DVD. I made a good call.

So then what’s this all about? Good question. Last night I decided to try something new. Armed with Brett’s trusty ratings numbers, I set out to discover just who the 6.7 million people who tuned in to Gary Unmarried last week were. That, and I wanted to try a new way of watching TV, DVR-style. I like to call it the commercial break.

That is, I fast forwarded my way through the show, and watched the commercials. Sound crazy? I actually think some shows might be better off watched in that fashion. Seriously. But then that’s beside the point.

The lead-in for Gary wisely aired promos for the first hour of CBS’s Monday night lineup — How I Met Your Mother and Rules of Engagement. That’s right … sell them on the good stuff before they change channels halfway through! And we all thought that TV executives were dumb.

Commercial Break #1 – Apparently, Gary is watched by kids, their parents, and the elderly. Things kicked off with a commercial for the DVD re-release of Toy Story 1 & 2, a movie combo I myself own. Then a stilt walker sang about Royal Caribbean’s Oasis of the Seas cruise … the ad was so convoluted, it’s unclear whether the target audience is families, young marrieds, or retirees. And if I was one of those three demos looking to get on that ship, I would not want to run into the other two during my getaway. Then Aquafresh white trays … I suppose everyone wants white teeth. Especially before taking a romantic cruise — okay, now I get it! Finally, there was a Kohl’s 50% off sale ad. In my life I’ve never seen a Kohl’s store. Does it only exist on TV?

Commercial Break #2 – I though the mix on break #1 was confusing, but this one was a doozy. A Home Depot ad featuring lawn equipment convinced me that the kids had been tucked into bed sometime in the preceding ten minutes. That is, until a Walt Disney Resort Hotel commercial opened with the gang from Toy Story hanging out in some family’s attic. But I suppose it’s fair to imagine that the ad is aimed at parents. Okay. But then a Folgers commercial (great to hear that familiar jingle) played, starring an older man whose daughter got in late the night before … because she’d just gotten engaged. So is that for retirees, or singles? And unfortunately the next spot did nothing to clarify — light bladder leakage liners from Poise. Because apparently bladder leakage doesn’t age-discriminate. I hope date night’s not a popular thing with Gary’s audience. Round things off with the Nasonex talking bee, and Jennifer Hudson shilling for March Madness (did you submit your bracket yet?), and it’s back to the remote.

Commercial Break #3 – I found the LensCrafters 50% off sale ad to be useful; my wife’s shopping for new contact lenses. And for all you who missed it, The Blind Side is due out on DVD. But what’s with the Nicorette commercial featuring something called a suck-o-meter? Because quitting smoking sucks, so they pull out the suck-o-meter. What? And the next commercial did not go where I thought it would. A mother and her daughter were in the mall, and the kid asked if she could go off by herself. I saw a clothing ad coming. Instead, we got Verizon’s 3G network, and its new family locator app … so you can always spy on your kids. Great! The spot for the Kenmore elite washer, and an Enterprise ad about needing to haul lumber to build a playhouse for your kids, confirmed that at least someone watching Gary is meant to have children.

The lead-out finished things off for CBS Monday night. Either Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory are doing so well that they don’t need all the people who flocked from Gary mid–episode, or … well, judging by their numbers I assume that’s it. The best commercial of the night came at this point, when viewers would be tuning in for Criminal Minds — Verizon FiOS is coming out with a multi-room DVR! This was actually due out from cable companies a few years ago. The original idea was for a master DVR box that you could program, and that would then task out the duties around the house to the other boxes as their schedules allowed. Kind of like the wives on Big Love. You could then view a program recorded on any box from anywhere in the house. Verizon’s version just lets you TV hop, but it’s still pretty cool.

So how’d I enjoy my experiment? Well, it was interesting to play the “who watches this show?” game. Apparently it’s random swaths of people located somewhere in the 18-49 demo, but not necessarily in any rational breakdown. Plus retirees. It’s also depressing to see how little companies care about their ads if its not the Super Bowl. Woof.

See you at the next commercial break!

Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Mar 18, 2010 @ 12:00 EST5EDT